Untitled #8

I’m not okay but that’s okay.
I’ve been this way for sometime but I didn’t see it,
Didn’t want to believe it, kept on going on,
Pretending everything was peachy,
Putting on a mask and plastering a smile,
Acting like the world wasn’t on my shoulders,
Doing everything normal people don’t do,
To show everyone I’m not like the rest,
Trying to be the best even if it killed me,
Putting my sanity to the test with each step,
Pushing myself harder believing I wasn't going to break,
I kept on pushing harder and harder to prove I was okay,
But I wasn’t.
I wasn’t okay.
I’m not okay.
But that’s okay.
Because one day I will be.
Till that day I’ll be okay that I’m not okay.

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The Journey

The choices we take don’t always lead us home,
Twists, bends and dead ends, the journey is never easy.
Yearning, turning and learning something with each step we take,
Waiting, watching and wading through through murky waters,
Just to survive another day.
Will the next person to cross our path be a friend or foe?
Will they be here for now or are they here to stay?
The journey is never over, only the road we take changes.
Onward brave soldiers, onward,
Keep on travelling Down your path,
And may the stars help guide your way home.

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Repeat

You made your entrance with a sweet subtle beat
Which woke something deep inside me that I never knew was there.
Your undertones hit next and I was intrigued,
I wanted to know what you were made of so I kept on listening.
Your core theme hit and I knew that you weren’t just another song,
There was something different about you that I couldn’t understand.
The raw emotional hook mixed in between all the bright bubbly beats
Caught me by surprise and I knew I was starting to like you like you.
And when I thought things couldn’t get any better....Bam!
You hit me with your chorus and knocked me off my feet!
You’ve got me grooving to your melody day and night baby,
Like an addict I’m hitting the repeat button waiting for the hype to die,
Waiting for me to say that's enough but I don’t I think ever will,
I keep on playing you over and over and over again,
Finding something I missed before,
A little note, a variation, a beat… I hear something new each time!
Etching every word in to my heart and memorizing every note,
Like breathing, hearing you starts to feel so natural and normal.
You keep on playing in my head over and over again,
And I keep pressing repeat, I can’t get enough of you!

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Pursuit for happiness

We try to move our feet and never miss a beat,
Be here, be there, be everywhere at same time and never a miss a thing.
We want to have a life but also want to be slobs,
Whatever we choose the grass always looks greener on the other side.
No matter who we are or what we do we’re never truly content.
So many things that can make us happy and we can’t pick just one,
Who thought being happy would be such a hard choice?
It’s never enough or good enough,
Or we aren’t enough or good enough.
The hunger never ends,
We try to act so different but inside we’re all the same,
The goal is the always the same, we just refer to it with a different name,
Welcome to the Pursuit for happiness!

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Untitled #7

My heart quickens as the plot thickens, the story has no chapters,
The narrative changes genres so fast if you blink you’ll miss it.
One minute it’s romantic, the next it’s a comedy.
With every word said the characters change emotion,
It’s a roller coaster, oh wait, I’ve said that before,
Life is a movie and we are the protagonists.
The script has already been written or has it?
Are we actors meant to play a part or are we the writers,
Deciding where we go and crafting each twist and turn?
Are we the directors,
Giving the script direction and bringing it to life?
But everyone knows that books are always better,
So are we are a book being written
Or are we author who’s writing the book?
If that’s so it’s no wonder my life sucks,
I’ve been writing bad endings all this time,
I’ve been trying to backspace my mistakes,
That hasn't worked so far so I'll have to improvise,
Work with what’s been written so far and adjust the narrative to fit what came before.
But it’s never too late to make an antagonist a protagonist,
That's the beauty of controlling the flow, nothing is set in stone.
You could always write a soft reboot,
Or add a plot twist and change it's direction.
Life is never over until you decide it is.
No matter how good the story is if you stop trying the next words to follow will be:
The end.

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Never the same

Emotions run deep but deeper now that you’re not here,
Everything feels so real and unfiltered when you aren’t sure of how you feel,
Each laugh or tear is magnified and amplified,
Life feels so surreal and strange when you’re looking at them through a different lens.
Something that's black and white now looks orange for some reason, when did that happen?
Was there always an elephant in the room, how come I never saw it?
Things which were so simple are now complicated, how did things go so wrong?
Why does the world look so different from how it was yesterday,
When was even yesterday, what day was it?
Everything seems so strange.
Life has never been the same since you’ve not been in my life, it never will be.

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Life goes on

I didn’t think life would go on, but it did.
I thought the earth would keep on spinning and I’d be left behind,
But here I am,
Wandering the open skies like a kite.
Swaying from side to side,
Letting the wind carry me into great unknown,
Nothing to hold me down or pull me back to reality.
It almost feels like I’m dreaming,
And I keep expecting to wake up any second,
Covered in cold sweat with you next to me,
But that never happens,
Instead,
Life goes on.
This is how my life is now.
It’s weird.
It’s strange.
It’s interesting.
It’s sad.
It's all so new,
Yet there’s something familiar;
Something that I’ve not felt for a long time,
Someone I’ve not been in a long time,
Somewhere I’ve not gone for a long time.
You were my home and we were so close to our happily ever after,
So close that I have daymares of what our life could've been.
I’m back at square one,
Nothing is defined or determined right now like it used to be,
But,
Life goes on.

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Untitled #6

My poems don't always rhyme cause I don't have the time, is that such a crime?
When the words flow through my mind I can’t find a way to slow them down.
They rush along before I can say hush and put pen to paper, it's like squeezing a lime;
It’s slow and gets in your eye, makes you wanna cry and look like a clown
The result is a bitter pill to swallow but I ain’t quitter so I’ll will myself not to wallow or whine,
Complain or waver, push myself to be braver and for my face not to frown.
Because one day soon I know it'll be my turn and like shooting star I'll shine,
And on that day maybe I'll be happier because people will say I'm good enough and give me a golden crown

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Scale

Life is a scale,
One moment you're up,
Then down you go!
Up and down,
Up and down,
Up and down,
Over and over again,
till down you go;
Never to get up again.

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For Chester

You taught me I wasn’t the only one,
You taught me that my pain mattered,
You taught me that I mattered,
You taught me how to channel my emotion,
And make something beautiful from the pain.
You were there for me when nobody was,
You absorbed my anger silently.
You screamed with me and for me.
When I didn't know how to express my pain,
Or have a voice to scream out in pain
You were there… You taught me how deal with it all.
You did all with a smile and without complain.
Despite dealing with your own demons you battled mine too.
Thank you for being there each time I called,
Walking with me and carrying me when there was nothing left in me.
Thank you for everything and I’m sorry.
I’m sorry my words aren’t enough to give you the praise you deserve.
You’re gone from this world but you’ll live on in our hearts,
Your legacy will live on through everyone you’ve touched.

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Untitled #5

I'm giving this all I got whether you like it or not,
Cause I'm a fighter and the fight is all I got,
Like the fight before it and the one before that,
Fighting is all I've ever known and all I know to do.
So fight I will with everything I've got,
Not knowing if this will be my last one,
And if being on a role will finally take it's toll,
Or if I'll survive to fight one more.
I'll keep on fighting because winning is my only goal.
With each fight I know bit by bit I give a little piece up,
And one day when I'm out cold they'll be nothing left of my soul.
Until that day comes though,
 and I hang my gloves up,
Fight with all I've got I will,
Till my hands are numb and bleeding,
Heart pounding in my ears,
Tears running my down my face,
My lungs empty and weak,
And my body a sweaty and bloody mess collapsed on the floor...
I will keep on fighting and giving it all I got,
Because fighting is all I know.

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Untitled #4

Dancing around the edge without going in,
Everyone likes to flirt with fire and play with danger.
It’s all fun games because you never go all the way in.
Pushing the boundaries a little bit more each time,
Testing how far we can go before we fall off the edge,
But when flames catch up and burn us we wonder why.

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Take a step back

Nothing is as it seems, our eyes often lie to us.
Everything that gleams isn't gold, like something hot can also be cold.
The prettiest things sometimes are empty inside and the ugliest have the most to hide,
Don't be so quick to judge, take a step back and see the bigger picture.

Don't hold it all inside, everyone needs someone to confide,
Every Sherlock needs his Watson just like every sun needs it's moon.
If Ying and Yang didn't balance each other off would we still be alive?
Don't give up so fast, take a step back and see the bigger picture.

For everything good there has to be something bad alike,
Our minds focus on the bad most times and miss the good inside,
We let our pride decide and forget everyone is human, just like we are,
Don't be so quick to judge, take a step back and see the bigger picture

Morality can't be explained like a law or science, it’s much more complex,
Human emotions aren’t binary, there are so many variables in between,
Most of us don’t even know where we fall on the morality scale entirely,
So all we can do is take a step back and see the bigger picture.

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Untitled #3

Here’s to a new reality, A new way of life;
The parameters still yet undefined.
A new perspective on the same picture;
The same curves and edges but redefined.
A different angle of a yet unsolved crime;
Even though the blood has all but dried.
An addition to a previously unproved theory;
Re-configuring our minds which were confined.
A new contract to replace the outdated rules;
Pushing the boundaries of our brave new world.
Let's embrace the change without causing a protest,
Raise our glass high and say, here's to a new reality!

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Perfect Storm

You were like a storm I drove into knowing that I’d get hurt.
Your lightning drew me in like a moth to a naked flame.
And when your thunder hit I was blown away, awestruck by your wonder,
I couldn’t resist your flash even though I knew it would end with a bang!

You lit up my dark skies but I knew you weren’t here to stay.
You’d be here one day and gone the next, no matter what I say.
My heart the prize you’d steal and I let you, not even thinking,
I walked into to eye of the storm without even blinking.

I knew that lightning never strikes the same place twice,
And if I gave into temptation that I’d have to pay the price.
I still charged into danger like a bull let out of it’s cage
Living life for the moment, forgetting what would happen the next day.

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Untitled #2

When the going gets tough, the tough get going,
But for how long can you hold on to the life line when you’re caught in a storm?
Do you hold on till the end even if you might lose an arm and leg?
Would you even sell your soul to the to keep your head above water?
Or would you let go and let yourself be washed away by the waves,
Letting the winds of change carry you wherever you may go?
Would you carry on carry on to where you will go?
Or hold on tight till you drown in your own sorrow?
The sea’s will always be rough you’ll swim against the unforgiving waves,
But sometimes it's better that you simply let go and trust the winds and waves,
And let it take you to wherever it deems fit that you have to go.

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Here I am

Here I am walking down this eerie road again,
The lights are off everyone is stumbling through the darkness,
I didn’t think I’d be here again but everything seems so familiar,
Strangers everywhere I look but I think I know them, they’re all me.

Here I am walking down this eerie road again,
Wow, I never ever thought I’d be here again, but here I am.
Groping in the dark and trying to find my way back to the light,
But light and dark made no difference to me, I’ve always been color blind.

Here I am walking down this eerie road again,
When this road is all you know you mind starts to wander,
Was I always in darkness and the light just a dream?
Why did I have to wake up and walk this path again?

Here I am walking down this eerie road again,
Stronger than I was before, at least I know where I’m going this time.
Oh no, tripped and fell again, well that wasn’t there before,
Wait, was it? Then again, I never learn, that’s nothing new.

Here I am walking down this eerie road again,
Straining my eyes to see the light down this barren path,
Hoping to hear a guiding voice to lead me back to safety,
Gasping for air desperately but all I see or hear is me and me alone.

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More

More, More, More!
No matter how much we,
Do, say, have or don’t have
it’s never enough!
We could always be:
Prettier,
Smarter
Richer,
Smaller,
Bigger,
Funnier,
Cooler,
Hotter,
Softer,
Louder!
The more we have the more we want!
We’re never good enough, The hunger never ends.
More, More, More!

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Repeat telecast

Work. Eat. Sleep Repeat.
Fight. Make up. Happy. Repeat.
Love. Hate. Accept. Repeat.
Laugh. Cry. Contempt. Repeat.
Everything is a loop,
Different day but same routine,
Different people but same scenario,
Everything is different but the same.
Work. Eat. Sleep Repeat.
Fight. Make up. Happy. Repeat.
Love. Hate. Accept. Repeat.
Laugh. Cry. Contempt. Repeat.
It’s the same show on repeat,
Over and over and over again,
Life’s a repeat telecast.

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Break

I need a break from:
Living,
Thinking,
Feeling,
Caring,
Pretending,
Breathing,
Sleeping,
Routine,
But most of all from being me.
But the clock keeps on tick tocking away
And the earth keeps on spinning round and round,
Dragging me forward Whether I like it or not.
Time waits for no one and no one can control it.

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I miss Me

I miss:

Who I used to be,

Who I used to be with,

Where I used to be,

What I used to do,

What I used to say,

How I used to:

Feel,

Speak,

Breathe,

Laugh,
Love,
Most of all, I miss me.

Sadly I know though,

I’ll never be me again, I’ll be a different me.

I might be better, I might be worse.

Only time will tell.

But one thing’s for sure.

Even though I’ll always miss me and who I used to be,

I never want to be me again,

I want to be a different me whichever it maybe.

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Monday

Monday, a feeling I get when something irks me beyond words can describe.
Monday, a person that I dislike and no insult in the english language can define.
Monday, the perfect word to describe self loathing and being a hypocrite sometimes.
Monday, the grey area all of us belong in even though we pretend not to.
Monday, the worst insult you can give anyone or anything that everyone agrees on.

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Breathing

You took my breathe away even when I wasn’t breathing,
I never knew if the air that I inhaled was dirty or clean.
When it was clean it was the sweetest breath that I’d ever take,
But when it was dirty I’d turn red and my heart would turn to lead.
The air I was breathing was so mixed I didn’t know if to breathe or not,
You could either sweeten my life or choke me to death,
Joy and pain.
Rain and shine.
Good and bad.
Yin and Yang.
It’s so hard to choose right from wrong when I'm with you,
Everything feels the same.
Which way is up and which is down, I couldn't tell,
So many different emotions and choices always clouded my judgement.
I couldn't tell if things looked good or bad,
The picture kept on moving, but I stood still, should I have moved with it?
I felt like I was losing my sight,
And I couldn't tell if I was wrong or right,
I 'm sure I was going insane after every fight.
Can you please make the world stop spinning?
I’m not drunk,not yet at least, but I'm not alright.
Can I please have one moment of clarity where everything isn't all topsy turvy?

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Let's play a game

The race is the same but the track is different.
The rules change based on who you play with,
The end result also may vary on how it’s played.
The longer you play the better you get it,
But the longer you play it becomes mundane.

You could keep on playing the same game over and over again,
You could also play the same game with different partners,
Or you could play a different game with different partners.
Whatever game you play or whoever you play with,
At the end of the day caution: results may vary.

We keep on playing the same game even though we know it’s lame.
Trying to hold on even though the game changes, what a shame.
We keep on playing the the game to tame our flame
Hoping one day even for the smallest bit of fame.
But when it all goes up in flames nobody wants to take the blame.

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Untitled #1

I wish my mind wasn't the way it was, a thousand thoughts racing through it each second,

Good and bad, naughty and nice, all mixed together and played at the same tempo.

One thought  silencing the other out, like an angry little child.

A battle rages inside of me, my thoughts the players and my heart the judge.

The hearts most often than not is too weary to decide, 

Battling to keep my body alive and keep a straight face at the same time.

The wheels keep on turning while my heart keeps on yearning,
 for a small break.

A single intake of fresh air where it's allowed to breathe freely.

A split second to enjoy a break or hang out and flake.

On and on the battle will rages everyday till one decides to call it quits.

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Key to success

Where is, I can't find it, have you seen mine?
Everybody seems to have found it except me,
I've looked high and low, near and far and beyond yonder,
But I still haven't been able to find it.

Will you help me find it please?
Perhaps I can borrow yours, does it work that way?
I've tried a few but none of them seem to fit.
What the hell do I do now?

Can I live without finding it? it that an option?
I think I’m okay with that, I can live with myself,
If only my mind stopped nagging me to find it!
Showing me things that aren't there but could be.

If only I knew where to start looking,
Which cave haven’t I explored?
Which stone have I left unturned?
Wait... was it under my nose the whole time?

I don’t want to be the last to find it, but I think I maybe..
I need to find it at any cost and no matter what it takes.
Could someone help me find it before it's too late?
Help me, help me please! help me find my key to success.

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Shit Stain

You’re a shit stain, you always will be.
You live your life pretending to be better than everyone else,
Trying to be anything more than a shit stain but you never will.
You'll be nothing but a shit stain, get it through thick head.

Me and you are the same whether you like it or not,
We will be a shit stain in the commode that is this world,
Waiting to be flushed to make room for more pieces of shit,
The only difference is I know I’m the shit, you don’t.

You pretend you know better than me, you don’t.
You think your way of life is right, it’s not.
You think people will remember you when you’re gone,
Hate to break it to you bro, but they won’t.

You bring people down to stroke your ego,
You pretend the world revolves around you… News flash it doesn’t!
While you're here people will treat you like a king,
But once you're gone nobody will even blink.

Sure, people will be sad but you know what they say,
Time heals all wounds, with time people will forget you,
They’ll move on with their life and you’ll be back where you belong,
Dust to dust and ash to ash, and to ash you will return.

So while you’re alive enjoy your time here,
Pretend to be better than everyone else,
Make people feel bad to feed your bloated head,
At the end of the day you'll still be shit stain like everyone else.

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Borrowed

Borrowed, the time we were given to live our life,
No matter how hard we fight, claw or deny,
Each breath we take, each second we live could be the last,
When death comes knocking we’ve no choice but to comply.

Borrowed, the culture and values we hold so dear
We blindly follow what was passed down by those before us,
Who borrowed it from someone else and imposed on us.
At the end we all belong to one culture alone - The human culture.

Borrowed, the clothes we wear on our backs to protect our dignity.
Woven from the finest that Mother Nature has to offer,
Back to Mother Nature they go once they've served their purpose.
All these clothes we hoard, do we really own them when they don't last?

Borrowed, the love that we reciprocate.
A gift that is bestowed to the ones we hold dear,
Till the love runs out or we lose it, whichever’s appropriate,
And the true beauty of love is actually that fear.

Borrowed, the stuff that we own.
With money borrowed from others we go to borrow stuff,
Like the house we live in, the car we drive or the bed on which we rest.
Then we let another borrow our stuff for money so we can borrow some more stuff.

We wear our borrowed clothes and follow our borrowed culture,
Reciprocate borrowed love to one another,
Using our borrowed stuff before leaving this earth,
At last ending our life, which we lived on borrowed time.

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